All Hail Bob!


(photo credit:

With my New Year’s resolutions just a glimmer in my memories, we face summer once again. The conviction of losing weight and getting in shape and being ready for the summer season have failed yet once again. My dreams of standing by the pool with women admiring my hotness and saying, “who’s that guy?” Late-night infomercials started to attract my attention with miracle weight loss. Marie Osmond tantalized us with “10 pounds in 10 days weight loss guaranteed!!!”  So here I am, finding myself with a pot belly covered by an ill-fitting Hawaiian shirts to hide my bulge. My intentions were great, my hopes high: until I ran head-on into a series of birthdays with cake and ice cream. There were six weddings with food spilling out over the buffet finding yet another chink in my armor. Pound by pound, I felt myself slipping farther and farther away from my goal to be svelte.

mowing the lawn

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Mowing the lawns in my baggy t-shirts, I checked out the other neighborhood men to see if they were in the same situation as I was. They were. The entire street was a flamingo-like explosion of loose, flapping Hawaiian shirts trying to contain our guts. The stage was set- it would only take one brave soul to crack the ice and allow all of us men to step into the light. On Tuesday night it happened: Bob, who lives across the street from us was mowing his front lawn. Halfway through, you could see the sweat soaking through his T-shirt. No longer able to stand his wet, clingy covering, Bob stripped off his T-shirt, exposing his pale pasty bulging stomach. Men in the neighborhood rejoiced over Bob’s bravery. At last- the shame was cast aside because of Bob!

not mowing the lawn

(photo credit:[email protected]/)

All hail Bob!

Men sprang from every house into their front yards, ripping off their shirts and exposing their girth. Dancing and prancing among the hedges, man reeled hoses, fixed sprinklers and tended to the shrubbery. We were free, free at last to pursue our summer activities with boldness, our flabby middle sections proudly displayed for all the world to see.

that is who i am

It only takes one man, one man to set things right. It was one man that first wore a Nehru jacket like the Beatles, one man who proudly displayed his parachute pants for all to see and more recently it took only one man- one man standing alone to proudly display his flabby, pale midsection. Go forth, bold ones, go forth and stand in your front yard and be proud! Remember that chubby is the new skinny.

(cover photo credit:


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