Since we started Daylight Saving Time yesterday, it’s a good opportunity for this list of The Top Things You Didn’t Know About Daylight Saving Time.
Benjamin Franklin supposedly proposed it as a way to conserve candles. And also, to have more daylight to look for hookers.
It’s the most useless day on the U.S. calendar that doesn’t involve getting weather predictions from a rodent.
The concept as we know it was invented in 1905 . . . by Satan.
It’s also called “spring forward.” Like your belly when you remove your belt.
When the clocks go ahead, you’re less likely to be mugged, robbed, or bitten by a vampire.
It’s linked to a rise in heart attacks on the first day people return to work. So you’ll be fine, Corey Feldman.
The hour that most people “lose” is the one they were supposed to spend in church.
It was first used by Germany so they could save fuel during World War One. So yes, Daylight Saving Time is just as evil as you thought it was.
It decreases your risk of being mugged. Unless you live in Chicago. Then, you’re screwed no matter what time it is.
It’s the first of two days in the year where Flavor Flav feels severe carpal tunnel pain.
Benjamin Franklin proposed the idea of Daylight Saving Time and it was a bigger hit than his idea of crotch-less riding pants.
For R. Kelly, it’s Daylight SLAVING Time.
It’s not observed in Arizona because everyone sold their clocks for meth.
You’re legally allowed to choke someone who says “Daylight SAVINGS Time.”
People who can’t handle the one-hour time change also have trouble changing light bulbs and getting straws into juice boxes.
Saving daylight is a lot easier than saving your marriage.
It raises the risk of heart attacks by 25%, and NAP attacks by 75%.
CBS viewers have to remember to adjust the time on their VCRs.